this moment,
on the edge,
on the brink of a very deep chasm
and the bottom is very, very dark.
I am absolutely certain that a Very Big Bad is down there.
Very Big.
One of the ones that nightmares are made from,
and I am being pulled by my guts past the edge of the cliff.
But I am a Sparrow
And my grandmothers were Dragons.
And they taught me to fly.
Thoughts, feelings, actions, messages, desires, triumphs, defeats, attempts, champions, wins, moods, niggles, memories, friends, peoples, contraditions, persons, voices,
So many voices.
I must hand them the speaking stone.
I must hear each voice and think on each voice
and respond thoughtfully to each voice
and when they come so thick and fast
I lose my footing.
Do you have plans for her subjugation?
I will watch you try, and I will tote her backup weapons.
We did not raise a lady, though she is kind and generous and good.
We raised a Valkyrie.
Oak carries his brother from the darkness
awkwardly through the gap
then adjusting
Finds him a quiet spot with a gentle one
to tend and wait
while Oak himself must share his strength with many
But ever, the king leans,
so slightly,
perhaps just one iota of attention,
toward the quiet place of Holly.
In this way are the People held,
by twin kings who—in this story at least—
save one another.
So very bright at 3am,
Traveling together,
Buff and Red.
What do they talk about?
Whom do they test? and how?
May I not be found wanting.
Without voices, snores, music, shows, papers shuffling, laundry washing
And the precious hours of quiet seep into my heart
To renew old paths by walking down them again.
Not even the literal sound: right now no one else is stirring, snoring, sighing in their sleep.
Yet I feel their presence—their wonderful, warm, love presence—and I designate a thread of attention poised to follow their moments, their movements, their meaning.
But when the house is just for me
—and the dogs—
I can attend to other things, inner and outer and defying that binary.
They’re home now, sleeping, which is best;
and I will savor the next day of silence when it comes.
“It feels like moonlight,” she said hopefully.
And it was,
and the loneliness fled.
That I saw them:
Cygnus, Aquila, Lyra;
Deneb, Altair, Vega.
They’re getting ready.
So am I.
I’m after needing you to stay
and not pull back into cold rains.
I’m after needing warm and green and grow
and an invitation to dig my toes into the grass every time I look out the window.
And I look out the window often.
I’m holding on very tightly to it all.
I need you, May, to help my fingers open.
Then we’ll see about my heart.
Whiplash.
This is unpleasant.
I call for an end to this nonsense.
In a haze of good neighbors
and good cheer
and gladness.
Welcome, gladness.
Welcome deep green of grasses.
Time to check the lawn mower and do this properly.
White and liath and purple-cloud-striped magenta with fuchsia base.
It is not yet obligatory to return to Ordinary Time.
I will watch this beautiful sunrise first.
Thin and yellow
Sunrise clear and a bit chill
Sunrise through bare branches
I think the sun has risen before me and that was needed.